Through the Looking Glass
by eatingisgood
Summary: After encountering a certain book, Shizuo starts having dreams of Izaya's past. Gradually, he starts to lose faith in his once absolute conviction that the flea is a diabolical evil that must be destroyed. ShizuoxIzaya, Shizaya, Izuo
1. Chapter 1

**I know this beginning part might seem a little "Death Note-esque" (you'll see what I mean), but don't worry. Shizu-chan is not gonna spontaneously develop an amusing, diabolical laugh and start killing criminals.**

**Important Note: This is set when they're in high school.**

* * *

Shizuo scanned the bookshelf in front of him, looking for a book on his topic so that he could get started on his report. The librarian had told him that the books on World War II were in this section. Aah, he really didn't want to do this paper. But he kind of needed to in order to pass the class. With a sigh, he continued scanning the shelf until his eyes met the book he wanted. He was just about to pull out the book with "WWII" in the title, when the book right next to it caught his attention.

The spine of this book looked old. Really old. Abnormally, curiously old. Shizuo was almost wary of pulling it out, a little afraid the decrepit-looking book would fall apart at the slightest touch of his super strength fingers. But curiosity got the best of him and he gently tugged the book out of the shelf.

It was a simple, plain brown book about the thickness of an average chapter book, but with slightly bigger pages. The ages were frayed and the brown cover of the book looked faded. There was no title on the front, so Shizuo turned it open to the very first page. "Book of Memories" was the only thing written in large, elegant font on the worn first page. Shizuo turned to the next page and read:

Instructions

-This book will capture the memories of the one who last touched it.

-To obtain this information, you must know the name of the one who last touched it.

-The name must be written on the last page. The important memories will then be revealed.

And that was it. How cliche. Was this a cosplay accessory for some shitty anime? Shizuo flipped through the rest of the book, but there was nothing else written. He chuckled. If something like this were really possible, he knew the person he'd try it on. He'd bet that sneaky flea would be much easier to deal with if Shizuo knew all his secrets and was able to push _his _buttons for once. Shizuo was just about to put the book back, but he hesitated.

No. There was no way. Shizuo would have to be pathetically gullible to believe something like this. It was so cheesy sounding.

And yet…

Shizuo grabbed the book on WWII as well and then took them both to check them out. It was stupid and he knew it, but it couldn't hurt to try it. Why not?

Oh, how he would regret that thought.

* * *

Shizuo had a plan to get Izaya to touch the book. It was simple really. Now all he had to do was wait for the flea to show up to enact it.

And there he was. Shizuo spotted him as he turned the corner in the school's hallway. He was talking to Shinra next to the window, with his back turned to Shizuo.

Perfect.

Shizuo took out the book and got ready to put his plan into action. "Izaaaayaaaa-kuuuun," Shizuo launched the book at the back of Izaya's head.

The book rocketed into Izaya's head just as he was turning around, but he almost instantly recovered.

"Oi~ Shizu-chan, that's not how you use books. Frustrated that your protozoan brain can't read it?" Izaya smirked.

Shizuo picked up a trashcan and hoisted it into the air. "Your stench is the only thing that frustrates me!" He threw the trashcan at Izaya, but this time Izaya dodged.

Not even bothering to take out his knife, Izaya turned to the window next to him and jumped out. "Bye bye, Shizu-chan!" Of course, his parkour skills took him safely to the ground.

Shizuo didn't bother going after him. Instead, he took out a pair of gloves and, careful not to touch it with his bare hands, picked up the book. He tucked it into his jacket and walked away from the scene. The book didn't say anything about having to touch it with bare skin, but Shizuo hoped it was like that. But hell, the book probably didn't work anyway.

* * *

Later that night, just before he went to sleep, Shizuo remembered the book. He pulled on his gloves and took the book and a pencil from his bag. Shizuo sat on his bed, a lamp next to his bed providing the light as he flipped to the last page of the book.

This was so stupid. Nothing was going to happen. But Shizuo had already come this far, so he might as well finish it. In his rough script, Shizuo wrote "Orihara Izaya" on the page. All of the sudden…

…nothing happened.

Shizuo sighed. He already knew that would happen. He turned off the lamp, set the book down on his bedside table, and laid down to go to sleep.

Shizuo opened his eyes. He was standing in a dark room. It wasn't his room. This room had no window or desk. Actually, this room really didn't have anything except for a wardrobe and a bed. And sleeping in that bed was a small child. Shizuo squinted at him in the darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he saw that the child looked to be around eight. His dark hair spilled over his eyes and his face…

His face looked just like…

No way. This was just a weird dream. And there was no way this kid was Izaya. Why would Shizuo have a dream about the flea? Especially the flea when he was a little kid. This was just-

BAM! The door slammed open and the child jolted awake.

A woman stood in the doorway, looking pissed. "You disgusting-!" She cut herself off as she darted towards the bed.

Suddenly, she had her fingers wrapped around the child's throat and was choking him on the bed. The child's fingers scrabbled and pulled at her, desperately trying to get her hands away.

Immediately, Shizuo bolted forward. Dream or not, he couldn't let someone do this to a kid. He reached to grab the woman, but his hand went straight through her. He tried again but was met with the same result.

Shizuo felt the feeling of panic rise him. Was he just going have to stand here and watch a woman kill a kid? What kind of fucked up dream was this?

"M-Mom… stop…" The child choked out.

_Mom_? What kind of messed up mother would do this? Shizuo reached for the women again, and when that didn't work he tried for the wardrobe. But his hands went straight through that too. The child was still struggling, legs kicking and hands clawing. He had to stop this!

"Mitsuki!" A man rushed into room. "Stop!" He pulled the woman off and away from the child. "You're going to kill him!"

"Good! Can't you see that's what I'm trying to do?" She shoved the man off of her, but turned away from the child and left the room. "Aaargh! I hate it!" The man followed after her, shutting the door behind him.

And just like that, everything was over just as suddenly as it had begun.

Shizuo turned back to the kid. He was still gasping for breath. Shizuo just looked at him, miserable that he couldn't protect him, and couldn't even comfort him now. It was clear now that he would be unable to interfere. After a few more seconds of catching his breath, the kid laid back down.

Shizuo was stunned. Didn't his mom just try to kill him? What was he doing just laying back down? Shouldn't he be getting out of there? Or calling the cops or something? Anything other than just calmly laying back down.

But as Shizuo looked closer, he realized that the child was not calm at all. He was taking deep breaths, as if trying to calm himself down. But his eyes were still a little wide and a little scared and he was shaking. Once again, Shizuo was hit with the pain of how useless he was right now.

Gradually, the kid seemed to calm down. His breathing became even, his shaking stopped, and his eyes lost the fear. In fact, his eyes looked almost… dead. For just a split second, Shizuo almost thought the kid's mom had succeeded. But no, he was still breathing.

This sucked. What a shitty dream. Shizuo couldn't wait to get out of here.

The boy was laying on his back staring at the ceiling, completely emotionless.

No. As Shizuo took a step closer, he saw that the kid was biting his lip. His eyes became a little glassy and he bit his lip harder, seeming determined not to cry despite what he had just gone through.

The kid looked so young. How could something like this have happened?

Finally, the boy seemed unable to contain his tears and they slipped out of the corners of his eyes. His face contorted in misery and the tears ran down his cheeks.

The boy let out a very quiet, shuddering sob and covered his eyes with his hands.

Shizuo watched as the boy struggled to contain any further noise. Shizuo was absolutely miserable. This had to be the most depressing thing he had ever seen. Why did he have to dream about this? Even though he knew the boy was just an image in his mind, a character in his messed up dream, he desperately wanted to help him.

After a few minutes, the boy scrubbed at his eyes and seemed to get his near-silent crying under control. After wiping away the last of the tears, he rolled onto his side and gave the door a fearful glance.

Another pang of misery hit Shizuo. He glared fiercely at the door. He wanted to reassure the boy that he didn't need to be afraid. He wanted to tell the boy that he would destroy anything that came through that door trying to hurt him and he would never let anyone do that to him ever again.

But Shizuo knew he couldn't. And it hurt. With a dejected sigh and a miserable expression, Shizuo turned back to the boy.

But suddenly the boy was gone. Everything was gone and Shizuo found himself surrounded by a blanket of pitch black darkness.

Shizuo awoke with a gasp. He was no longer in the child's room. He was laying in his own bed and morning light filtered through his window, contrasting the dark room he just been in. Shizuo closed his eyes again, still reeling from the traumatizing dream.

After a few moments spent gathering himself, Shizuo opened his eyes again. The first thing he saw was the old book sitting on his bedside table. And a horrible thought hit him. Could it have worked? Could that have been Izaya's memories?

_No_. The thought was repulsive. He hated the idea of anyone's mom trying to do that to her son. As annoying as the flea was, he absolutely didn't deserve that. There was no way that was Izaya's memory. Shizuo refused to believe it. And besides, such a thing as a magic, "memory book" was impossible. It was just some weird, fucked up dream he had.

Just a messed up dream that never actually happened, so he could stop thinking about it now. Shizuo took a few deep breaths, attempting to expel the disturbing dream from his mind before he got ready for school.

* * *

That morning, when Izaya walked into the classroom, he immediately realized that Shizu-chan seemed bothered about something. Normally, when Shinra ranted endlessly about his love for Celty like that, Shizuo got annoyed. But now, he seemed lost in his own world and was only muttering back a few, half-hearted replies. How interesting. Izaya just had to antagonize him now.

"What's wrong Shizu-chan? Did your little brother finally realize that you're a monster? It was just a matter of time~!"

Enraged, Shizuo grabbed a desk and lifted it into the air, preparing to throw it at Izaya.

Strangely, Izaya saw him just barely hesitate.

But before he could even fully process it, the desk was flying towards him and he had to dodge. And then he dismissed it as the protozoan attempting to resist violence and forgot about in the following whirlwind of dodging and insults.

* * *

**Not much Izaya in this chapter (well, except, you know), but there will be soon so don't worry. And you just got a taste of the angst fest that will be this fic. I love being mean to my favorite characters and Izaya is my favorite Durarara character (with Shizu-chan as a close second, of course).**

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

The night after that weird dream, Shizuo laid down for bed again. The book was still on his bedside table, and he stared at it as he fell asleep. Throughout the whole day, the dream had been lurking in the back of his mind. He really hoped he didn't have another like it.

When Shizuo opened his eyes again, he was outside in an alley. A large, closed trash container was on his right and a few fire escapes lined the long alleyway. The air felt a little cold, like it was autumn. Shizuo turned to his left and saw the little boy. This time, he looked a little older. He looked to be around eleven or twelve. He was in black pants and a grey jacket that looked just a little bit too small. His hair was a little shorter this time, but it still fell into his hazel eyes. He was breathing loudly, as if he had just been running for a while.

But none of these details was what caught Shizuo's eye. Now that the kid was a little older and they were no longer in a dark room, he _really_ looked like Izaya.

And then the kid smirked.

Oh. Oh this had to be Izaya. No one else could possibly have such an annoying smirk.

Izaya suddenly darted forward, straight through Shizuo and jumped onto the trash container. He landed in a somersault and, at the end of the somersault, jumped up and caught a fire escape a few feet from the trash container. He swung himself up and then let go, performing a backflip in midair before landing perfectly on the ground.

Definitely Izaya.

Immediately, Izaya jumped up with his fist in the air. "Yes!" He turned around and then Shizuo could see the grin on his face.

Shizuo was a little taken aback. Okay, _that _wasn't like Izaya. _That_ smile was a little too childish and innocent. _That _was a smile that wasn't hiding anything, planning anything, or mocking anything. And it was weird to see it on Izaya's face. But the kid looked pretty excited over completing the series of jumps and flips. And it was actually kinda…

_NO_. No no no no no. Heiwajima Shizuo did _not_ almost think that Orihara Izaya was _cute_. Even if the latter was only eleven.

Shizuo wanted to throw trash cans at Izaya, not admire his _NOT-cute-at-all _smile. He just had to keep in mind that this little boy would grow up to be an annoying flea.

Wait.

That was like saying that this dream Izaya and the real Izaya were the same person.

But they weren't. Just because he was having a dream about Izaya as a little kid did not necessarily mean these were Izaya's memories. In fact, that was the least likely scenario. It was much more likely that he was simply dreaming about Izaya as a little kid rather than having psychic visions about his memories. Even if it was a little creepy. He probably had Izaya and his memories on his mind because of that book, and that was why Shizuo was dreaming about him now.

After running through the series of flips a few more times, Izaya seemed to think that was enough. He turned and walked out of the alley. Shizuo wasn't going to follow him. He had enough of this dream and he had no desire to watch Izaya any longer. Maybe if he let Izaya leave his sight, the dream would end sooner.

But despite his intention to stay put, Shizuo found his feet following after Izaya against his will. He tried to ground his feet into the pavement, but they kept moving. It felt like some sort of force was pushing and pulling him towards Izaya. He was like a planet that could do nothing but helplessly orbit the sun. Shizuo even tried grabbed the walls to stop himself, but his hands again slipped right through them. So, Shizuo sighed and resigned himself to follow after the flea.

The roads were familiar. Shizuo knew this part of town.

Eventually, Izaya stopped at a house. They hadn't gone too far. It had been maybe fifteen minutes of walking.

Shizuo turned to his right and saw the name on the house.

"Orihara"

Shizuo swallowed hard and stared at the name, confirming Izaya's identity. It was just a dream. These were not Izaya's memories. He was dreaming about this because that book and Izaya were on his mind.

Izaya opened the gate to enter the house.

And that was when Shizuo was suddenly, once again, enveloped in darkness. He blinked and everything was black. And when he opened his eyes again, he was laying in his own bed.

* * *

That day, after school, Shizuo did not go straight home.

Instead, he followed the route that dream Izaya had taken to the house. Shizuo planned to end the ridiculous thought that these dreams were memories that day. He would go to the house and he would see that someone else- and _not _Izaya- lived there. Maybe he would investigate, just to be absolutely certain. He could ask the neighbors and confirm that the Oriharas do not- and never had- lived in that house. And that would be the end of it. Shizuo had no doubts about what he would find. He didn't even know why he was even bothering to investigate. The whole idea of the dreams being memories was ridiculous. No doubt about that.

Nope.

None at all.

Shizuo absolutely did not have any doubts.

He _didn't_.

Finally, Shizuo was on the end of the street that the house was on. It was just four houses down. He hesitated.

No.

Doubts.

He pressed on. Shizuo kept his eyes on the ground until he was right in front of the house. He stopped and stared at the ground for a few more moments. Out of the corner of his eye, he recognized the bottom of the painted blue fence. Exactly like his dream. Even though he had never been here before. Slowly, Shizuo raised his eyes to look at the name on the house.

His breathing stopped and he stared at the name for a long moment. Nothing in the world existed except for those characters spelling out that name.

"Orihara"

Shizuo took in a shaky breath. He could feel his heart beating fast. There was no way he could have known that this was Izaya's house. And that meant…

…that meant he really _was _seeing Izaya's memories.

Izaya had once smiled like and innocent child. And it was Izaya whose mother…

"Can I help you?" Shizuo was jolted from his thoughts by a woman's voice coming from behind them. He turned around to see a middle-aged woman with brown hair and a plain face. She was dressed in a business suit and her brown eyes were staring at Shizuo questioningly.

Shizuo stared stupidly at her for a moment. "Do you live here?" He asked her bluntly.

His eyes narrowed and she looked at him warily. "Yes. Although I just got back today."

Only then did Shizuo realize that she was holding two rolling suitcases. A taxi must have dropped her off while he was lost in his thoughts.

"Can I help you?" She repeated. This time, there was obvious annoyance in her tone.

"Er, no." And with that eloquent denial, Shizuo hurriedly walked away before she could say anything else.

He didn't stop until he was a couple of blocks of way. Then he leaned against the wall of alley. His head was spinning. Who was that woman? She definitely wasn't the woman he saw in his first dream. But it seemed like she lived there since she said she had just gotten back. An aunt maybe? Who was she to Izaya?

_Izaya._

Izaya's memories. Those really had been Izaya's memories. It made him sick. If his mom had done that, then just what kind of childhood did he have?

Izaya may actually have a legitimate reason for being a manipulative, sadistic, crazy flea. If Shizuo had grown up in that kind of house, he was sure he would be a little messed up too. Maybe Izaya was just broken. Even though he still hated the damn flea, Shizuo actually found himself feeling sorry for him. Even if it was Izaya, how could anyone _not _pity someone whose own mother tried to kill him?

* * *

Shizuo yawned as he walked down the halls of Raira High. He had stayed up later than usual last night, too filled with anxiety about what he was going to do the following day to properly sleep. Last night's dream had been a happy one. The flea had been five or six and had built a snowman in the park. Even Shizuo couldn't deny he was cute as he carefully packed the snow together, pouting every time a chunk of the soft snow fell off.

However, it had bothered him a little that the small child had been all alone in the park without a parent in sight.

Ah, really, he could hardly believe he was actually going to do this. But he had to. He couldn't, in good conscience, keep trying to kill the flea while knowing what he knew. Even if Izaya was annoying. He still hated the flea and he always would. But he didn't want to hate himself. and the guilt was gnawing at him. Even if that evil little flea deserved it, trying to kill him reminded Shizuo too much of kicking an abused dog.

So, when he saw Izaya walking towards him down the hall, he pushed down the automatic rush of anger and stopped just a few meters from Izaya. Izaya, noticing this, stopped as well and gave Shizuo his I-am-superior-to-you smirk.

Gradually, the other people in the hallway realized that the two most notorious people in the school were staring each other down. The hallway was empty within seconds.

"What is it, Shizu-chan? You look like you have something to say."

There was a long pause. He really didn't want to do this. He _really _didn't want to. He wanted to rip that door off and throw it at Izaya.

But instead, he made himself blurt out the words that would seal his doom.

"Let's be friends, Izaya."

* * *

**Dun dun duuuun. Please review!**


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